But I interpret that to mean using me. This hurt him so much, id never seen him act this way. They are only friends nothing more. I went on a blind date. I would not be surprised to learn that he is cheating once again. Did i mention he just got out? I told him I needed time to heal and I knew I could get past this, but within a day or so he wanted to act like things were fine. Pictures everywhere. I told her that if this is what she needs to do then we will do it. Whats odd to me is that it seems like she grew madder and madder over time, when I assumed it would get better. I realize that is how you see your actions, but putting yourself down makes you end up feeling hopeless which then leads to MORE bad choices. Under the stress, I threatened our relationship multiple times, and once, I actually left. Why not send her to see this post and the divorce post? But he is now saying there is 0 chance he will ever take me back. I clearly dont think he should be over it already but I always think the worst. hello Dr. We planned to try several different things, but the first time we did this we brought another man in. People use all kinds of methods to relieve stress which are not healthy: addictions, OCD, flirting, etc. Give him the time he needs or this will not work. We are like soul-mates and only like the comfort from each other. Is this a faze Im going through triggered by the anxiety? Dr Deb, I would go to his moms house and it was like a shrine to the ex. No one.. But, what good will it do? Thank you! Dr. Deb, I am 62 yrs old and have reconnected with someone that I spent 10 yrs with after my divorce 30 yrs ago. And you say you have a man you love and a man that loves you than he is going to be there to support you in anyway he can until you find your stride again. We havent been in love for a long time now and havent utteredI life you in all this time. I had an ectopic pregnancy & I got caught up with the person I was involved with after that just because it was a refreshing experience for me. I want a divorce but I dont want to hurt him or my kids so then I think maybe, just maybe I can get that unconditional love that I have always wanted. i have been with my partner since i was 15 yrs old (18 yrs GOING INTO 19 YRS) we have also lived together since that age too. Shes obviously not in good shape where is she right now but i am definitely not falling for another trap. Now, I wont hear from him until almost the end of the day and thats it. Our relationship when we got back together two years ago was amazing. If the man raped you and you were screaming to make him let you go, then you have the possibility of a police involvement. I am worried about you when you say you just end up on the couch for four days. He would smoke, stay up all night playing video games, and go as far as verbal abuse and even screamed hard with our girl in his arms when I kept pressing for help. My husbands explanation to all of this is that they were Just friends & that he wanted a closer friendship so began calling her in order to build this. I dont know what to do in these situations, because I usually bug her about why she is irritated usually to the point where she says she doesnt feel like dealing with this relationship anymore, How do I fix this and what can I do to get this relationship back to the spark that we used to have in the beginning ox the relationship. Everything is my fault and he is through done with us. So perhaps it is not love but neediness? And I forgot to mention his mother who is battling depression and drinking is also living in the home to try and work on getting better as well though it has not been working which is adding to his stress and his want to drink. It is necessary for a couple to understand this and this problem should be healed before marriage. Perhaps youd like to imagine the worst-case scenario and allow yourself (in your imagination) to handle it more maturely than you would have in the past. You are not alone: It turns out that almost all of us have times when we strongly dislike the people we love the mostalthough some of us may not even realize it. Please help me with my post from sept 15th number 176. I feel dead inside and can only blame my selfish actions and lack of give a shit. She is the only woman I have ever wanted to grow old with, and she is telling me that she might not want that anymore. My husband has had far less experiences than I have when it comes to being with different people. I do not think that I had ever let the past go from my Dad to my sons DNA donor and because I didnt think that I loved my husband henceforth he could never hurt me. Do that so you will be a really new Man for the next girlfriend. Generally, people dont change in their deepest core too readily. Hes learned to control him just a bit now but theres times where its redundant and I cant deal with it. But I feel where Ive grown and changed, he hasnt. Me and my best friend have friends for almost 10 years weve had are ups and down but still remained best friend. Just wanted to share my story so far. Dr. D, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and 2 months. Please advise . But as I said, he wont show me much emotion. Now, after some counseling, we are trying to rebuild our marriage, BUT, I have EXTREME ANXIETY. My boyfriend and I recently separatedabout 3 1/2 weeks ago. We here at GoodTherapy.org are not qualified to offer professional advice. Several hours had passed since we had made the plans and had not heard from him so i sent him a text. Even though his saying all of what I said he said is there a chance deep down he really wants to save the marriage and hes just so sick of how I treated he thinks its pointless cause it wont change. Hes been in and out of rehabs for the past three months three days five days 10 days his last one was 22 days and he was feeling good at all excited to be continuing his recovery at another facility. From January 2014 we didnt see each other but we talked seldomly on the phone up until September 2014. This was all last month (August). Dont know what they were doing. It is so hard to be selfish. Although i understood her condition growing up in foster homes. Thank you. Anyway, my boyfriend found out but I lied and it was very obvious. i just said all the bad words coz i felt negelected and i wanted him to know how i feel but eneded up abusing him. I want him back. I know i have hurt him so many times when i didnt choose him and he walked away . We both still keep in contact with each other and talk daily still. All I want now is to hate him. Dear Dr. He gets frustrated that I dont trust him but hes willing to do anything to get me to understand. It was never his fault at all. We lived together for a moment but that environment became tense. The love of my life wouldnt even hear me out, or let me apologize to his face or consider forgiveness. actually we had few fights before coz of my ex but i dint delete him or got him out of my life . Often, the challenge isn't finding love, but daring to face one's own defenses and let love. I know Im faced with the burden of him having that ugly image of me, making this task harder, but how do I go about this? He wants to be friends. Words alone wont do it; its actions that matter. If I left would it be unfair to my daughter? I hurt him so badly he suffers from ptsd hes a veteran. ive made huge changes to me! I just feel so afraid all of the time. Im not sure what to do at this point. When the time came to do all this we ended up having some problemsfor one, the camera did not record like planned so that part of my husbands fantasy to watch that was ruinedand on top of that the man that I was with had a little much to drink before all this started so it took a lot longer than we had planned And I realized how long it was taking but I didnt take the initiative to do something to stop itI wanted to.. It just goes to show she never really cared like she said she did. I feel even though I am her husband I am the other man in her relationship. I met my boyfriend about 11months ago on social media. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months. distance part. We live in the south & his mother/my mother are very submissive women. I really love her. I feel like such a fool no matter what happens next. One thing she did mention was that she has been having panic attacks one that bad she had to get a work friend to drive her home. Q: Is he a loving and devoted father to the kids? For both of us. The kind of trust and respect we had is something that neither of us had ever had with anyone before and is devastating to lose. I live in la area, she lives in Bakersfield and the only way she will let me see my son is if i come and stay with her and her mom but i sleep on the couch to see my son because if i dont i cant see my son and she wont let me take my son for the weekend. Ive never stopped showing him affection and we are intimate but it isnt genuine. She felt she was constantly walking on egg shells out of fear of when she would do something that I would yell at her about. One of which killed a friendship with a guy ive known since childhood. every second I never let her miss me cos she would About a year ago now, she had a gastric sleeve done for health reasons and self esteem reasons. It worked out well he changed completely and we were even more madly and deeply in love. Can you talk while he is in the military or is he overseas? Thanks. Before you can explain it to your boyfriend, you need to explain it to yourself. but i apologised idk what more i should do. He struggles on been a husband . This person left me scared for her life in the person I turned out to be. But it also takes honesty from you to them. (with many racy messages and pics, that linger in my mind) I still loved and missed her so much. She politely declined to zip some tea which I understood because she indeed very tired. Be happy to hear your advice. I guess he got tired of having to reassure me he was where he wanted to be and that I was who he wanted because without me realizing it I have pushed him away. They have been talking for about a month and they both ended the contact, because first the other woman, was not aware he was married, so once she found out, she no longer wanted anything from him. Vicky, jealousy comes from a person feeling insecure inside himself. Im tired of crying and not eating and being sick to my stomach. 4. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 15 years and we have two wonderful daughters. I have asked her to consider stop corresponding with her Ex but as I have decided not to use my skills to track her for my own sanity I am not sure if she has. Keeping your communication positive and clear and maintaining a positive outlook on life whenever possible can help keep your relationship happy. But people dont act like that out of the clear blue for no reason. One day during the 3 weeks that I was away, we got into a really heated argument over the fact that he didnt understand my mission of traveling alone. I hate that people drink and drive. I didnt understand given I had said I could go, and had apologized. I am trying my hardest and am beginning to change into a man that she would want to be with, being comfortable with my current state, getting out of my own head, and realizing that it was not the place I was living in but rather an internal battle of being discontent with myself that led to our fall out. I want to rebuild trust for her to fall in love with me again, I know it will take time. With all of what I told you can my marriage be saved? Hi , I have been in a relationship for 2 years and in the last 3 months wmy gf and I switched to an open relationship at her request , it was either this or break up so I went with the open relationship. To your boyfriend, you need to explain it to yourself out be! Not eating and being sick to my daughter outlook on life whenever possible can help keep your relationship happy also... This time before coz of my life he is in the south & his mother/my mother very... Found out but I am the other man in her relationship post from sept 15th 176! 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